Internal Conflict

soo im not sure how well this actually fits in with the whole internal conflict, but for me it works. so im using it. Im going to Dee Macks prom next week, and my only emotion at the moment is stress stress stress. i have yet to schedule any appointments for my hair or nails and its just very horrifying at the moment. i dont really know why i havent, i just havent i guess. I will say though that the stress level went down a little bit when i finally got a dress. But it raised a billion levels when the couple who we were going with cant. sooo i say UUUGH. I just want everything to get worked out so i can stop stressing so much. it sucks. not gonna lie. so yeah thats my internal conflict of the week.

until next time.. :)

The ideal Mate

My ideal mate would be....one of a kind. He would have blonde hair, kinda shaggy but in a hott way, his eyes would be a sparkling blue and he wouldnt have acne or anything. Smooth faces are the best. His sytle would be preppy/surf boy. Like a boy from California or something. He would wear Hollister and A&F and everything. Hottness is the way to go. He would be 17 going on 18. the name doesnt really matter, soo we'll just call him Ben. why not, its not like i can pick the name of someone i meet. that would be cool though. Ben would be smart in school, but not like a geek or anything. A jock..be must be a jock. like super good at sports....he would play basketball football and baseball. those are my three favorite sports.

we would meet randomly. i have a habit of following cuute boys. so thats how we would meet. i dont stalk though. not like that. Our first date would definatly be amazing. like..a nice dinner at one of our favorite resturants, since we have alot in common. After dinner we would go to a movie and cuddle...in a cuute way. I love that. after the movie we would just drive around and talk and listen to music...just get to know each other. when he took me home he would give me a sweet little gentle kiss to say goodnight. annd from there we would pretty much be inseperable.

Ben would totally have to get along with my friends, like fit in with everyone. That always make things easier. i want him to have a family that i get along with and grow to adore and they adore me back. He has to have a nice vehicle of course. i mean i dont want to roll up somewhere in public in a piece of crap. no one does. itd be a serious relationship too, i love those.

sooo theres my perfect guy in a nutshell. until next time....peace out girl scout :]

A Wrinkle in Time

soo i was talking to justine about this blog, were decided to write about what the blog inspired us to think about. well for me...i thought of a cheeseburger. i know i know, why that? well it may be becasue im hungry, suuuper hungry. it may also be that i was singing the Veggie Tales song called His Cheeseburger. either way, a cheesebufger is what i thought of
what i would do to get my hands on a good one right now. One from burger King or Apple Bee's. omgsh, that would be amazing. Its really only making me hungrier thinking about it. buut oh well. lunch is soon. i hope its good.

so this wrinkle in time thing...yeah i dont know. Justine is writing about the Color purple right now though. i dont really regret anything, becasue even though i dont fully beleive it i have to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. so if i believe that then i wont have any regrets.

ok, thats all. peace out.

Dear Kiddo

hey future kid of mine. :] the sooner you know this the better you will be. thats why i want to write this to you now. you should know that...this is a tough world to live in. sometimes it will treat you bad. other times it will just confuse you. but you must keep you hear held high. beleive me, i know this stuff. and no matter what happens to you or me in life, i will always care for you and love you.
on a lighter note, this world can be awesome. eat monicals every chence you get. its amazing. i'll take you there all the time. the sports that you are able to be in are great, and were not too bad at them. the malls, oh man there amazing. its like being in heaven. only it smells like good food.
so remember, live will have its ups and downs, but just stick with it. love who you have, have fun and live it up.

My Dream

i have this one dream that i have over and over. it never changes either, maybe because i dont know it to. i dont know for sure. my aunt and i are cruising in down town peoria in her corvette like we used to. my hair would be blowing in the wind as we listen to oldies music and my favorite jock jams CD. Aunt Linda is wearing her favorite white visor that she always had. we would go to the mall and shop for hours. the resturants, the stores, the people..nothing ever changes. after the mall we go to wal*mart and Culvers. she sits in the car and gives me a ton of napkins so i dont get any food on the seats. driving home we talk about life....
then i wake up. every single time, right in the middle of the ride home. i try to sleep through it to see what else happns, but i never can. but i know that every time i do wake up, i dont know to. because having that image in my head just one more time is perfect. i cant do my dream in real life anymore, but when i dream it i'm happy just to see her face.

My Worst Fear

so when you read these fears you will probably laugh at me. everyone always does. since i was a little girl i have been terrified of caterpillars. the way that they just kinda wiggle around and there hairyness scares the heck outta me. not even lieing. i hate them. i also hate big dogs. like nothing over 20 pounds, and thats pushing it. clowns are pretty horrifying too. whenever i see one in a parade i run behind someone so they wont see me. even to this day i do that. this summer i got a new fear though. one that is truly giving me night mares and one that i will have a mark of forever. squirrels. i hate them. i absolutly hate them. theu terrify me, and more people know why. everyone loves to mention my scar which i hate or laugh at the story. but my gosh i hate them. so that about wraps it up. until next time....

CW. what is a poem

in my opinion, a poem can be many things. it can be an explanation of what some one feels. it can also be a way of telling a short story. personally, i hate poems that rhyme, unless theyre really funny. like shel siverstein. thats so good writing there. i love writing poems that are random and dont rhyme...and song lyrics. i love song lyrics. theyre just so...truthful to peoples lives and everything. a poem can also be angry, which makes things interesting for the reader. you dont usually read angry hateful peoms, so when i do at least, i enjoy them. that sounds weird. but still. soo yeah, thats what i think. peace out. :)